"Only when we respond to Christ and follow his call do we become our real selves and come to have personalities of our own" – Os Guinness, The Call

My relationship with the kids has grown substantially in the last two weeks. We’ve spent many nights roaming the streets, hanging out at “camp,” playing soccer in the courts of the flats, and of course stopping for candy in between. One of those nights at the soccer grounds, I was able to share about Jesus with a group of them. On my walk back with Martin, the oldest at 16 yrs, he asked me how it was that Jesus helped me, and this opened the door to delivering my brief testimony. Martin didn’t respond to it as I would of thought, but it seemed to have stirred up something, as I was shocked to see him arrive the next morning for Abbey’s Sunday service.

Standing with him, I noticed his eyes peering on as we followed through with the scripture reading from Ecclesiastes 11. I was surprised when he pointed at the book in my hands and asked if it was the Bible. Not believing what I heard, I almost shouted, "yes!" Instead, I chose a wiser option of sharing my bible with him during the rest of the sermon. After showing Martin how to use the concordance to find passages on Jesus, to my delight, he took it out of my hands and began flipping through the books of the bible, while focusing on highlighted passages. I could see God’s hand pulling him in moment by moment as I simply sat and looked on. At the end of the service, two other friends of Martin’s, Deano and Craig, arrived for the last hymn. I was overjoyed at this sight, and after leaving the church I gladly handed Martin my Bible to keep. With the other two there, I shared with them of the truth of God's Word, challenging them to  begin reading the book of John.

While I'm writing this days after its occurrence, I can still remember it just like it happened a moment ago. Though they didn’t come to faith before my own eyes, I know God will remain faithful to our prayers and that His providence allowed a seed to be planted in their hearts to one day be harvested. For this I am overjoyed, and I will say has been the highlight of my summer and quite possibly the very reason I was sent.  I ask that you would keep these boys in your hearts and lift them in prayer whenever they cross your mind. Their names from left to right in the picture below are Jason, Craig, Tio, Martin and Anto (at the bottom center). I ask as well that you would pray for the community of Abbey church and its surrounding city. Abbey will be receiving a youth pastor sometime in the future, so likewise I ask that you'd pray for him and his ministry to the children of this community.

As my final reflection to share on this summer; I see best fitting to post my last journal entry of which I had written a few days before.

I’ve neglected writing in this journal for too long now, but regardless of having not recorded everything worthy of remembrance, I hope to thoroughly and properly reflect on it all, including all that was pleasant and unpleasant. As I sit here in this laundry mat, I'll first be clear in to state that this internship experience has been tough on many occasions. For various reasons, I wasn’t happy for countless moments throughout my days here. Most of this streamed from my constant struggle with my sin involving my anger, frustration and annoyances with other team members, but through this struggle and ongoing conviction, I've been able to learn what it really means to love another. In reference to all other unpleasantries, I can say without a doubt that they have been a part of God’s perfect will and for that I can now see that it's good.

It's good that I was challenged in all these ways, struggling to endure each trial for the unseen yet greater purpose. It’s good how I have been learning forbearance, through ceasing to attack, slander or gossip about another but striving to love them no matter what the circumstance. It’s good that I was never well rested, for that brought the challenge of forbearing and remaining loving towards others during conflict, even more challenging. It’s good that I was thrown far from my comfort zone, for God used those times of struggle, those feelings of awkwardness and inadequacy, to stretch and grow me even more. It’s good that I felt lost in who I was, to have lost my (false) personality or what I thought of as my “identity”, for God used that to build up who I'm really meant to be. It’s good that we were required to attend all morning devotions, prayer vigils, bible studies, to arrive early and stay late after Sunday services, and attend all other events led by the church because, as tiresome and draining as I thought it to be, God used it to teach me the importance of being a part of the church body and the joy that comes from it.

God used this summer to reclaim my identity, to set in stone the core of who I am, the very essence of our faith played out in all aspects of life. I know I will fail at this for countless times, but this experience will serve as a reminder for both how and why Christ is to remain as my center in everything. May I never fall back to the man I once was but continue to be built upon through His wondrous process of sanctification.

I have truly valued all of your support through the prayer and finances you so generously offered, and I will continue to covet your prayers among everything.  May God continue to enable us and use each one of us in furthering His kingdom!

The arts café is finally under way and will continue till Saturday night. I can see now that this event has become the greatest need for our team’s presence here as we are all thoroughly exhausted and continue to be from the work we’re putting into it. I have yet to feel rested since it’s beginning, and this has taken its toll on me. From the first night of set up which lasted till a half past four in the morning, I quickly became frustrated and bitter with the lack of delegation and seemingly unproductiveness of the team. Though I kept these emotions hidden away, anger and bitterness flared up inside my heart and I carried it throughout the next day… of course I only felt that way then and yes, there is a reason I’ve shared this which is to express how God changed my heart through it all.

At the last of my “moments”, which were many, conviction finally set in for the bitterness I was allowing to fester in my heart, and at that time I remembered what our mentor David had been reminding us all summer. This was simply about how we Christians, at any stage in spiritual growth, need to never stray from preaching ourselves the Gospel daily. For whenever feelings of frustration, anger, negativity, self-loathing, whatever, you name it; will it only begin and continue to worsen if we cease to remind ourselves of Jesus and all He did for us.

I recall the immediate 180 I experienced in that moment once I reflected on this wonderful truth. Satisfaction and joy overwhelmingly replaced my negativity, which came mainly from the feelings of sleeplessness and the frustration of having not been assigned any particular tasks. Immediately these thoughts were taken away, and they no longer bothered me the remainder of the day. I eventually found some work, and the joy I experienced from cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming floors was (as I felt at the time) incomparable to any joy I had ever experienced before. So the Gospel transformation, as I am learning, is not just a title for the devotion book we work through each morning, but it’s an actual reality that takes a huge effect in all circumstances of life.

In other news, the art’s café has been going exceptionally well. With the Gospel being presented through music on stage, art around the room and conversations throughout, this festival has become a strong beacon of light for the city.

It’s seems I found my purpose for God bringing me here as the inner city kids have shown a particular interest in me. I was shocked to see the first of the boys enter the café from which I had met on the street while wearing the Pink Panther costume. In the cafe, I quickly learned of their involvement with the local gangs and the related practices they take part in. Though I have yet to ask any personal questions, it’s very clear how much they crave physical attention which is most likely attributed to not receiving it at home. I ask for prayer for these kids and myself that I’d have and would take the opportunity to share the good news with them.

I’ll admit I do get fearful as I see their numbers multiply throughout the night, but just knowing they’ve come, bringing an opportunity of ministry, puts warmth in my heart. I reflect on the past night in the café and can look at one experience with these boys as God’s hand at work with a sense of humor. During a poetry recital, two of the boys began shouting obscenities at the poet during his act from which I began to freak out in my many failed attempts to quiet them. In desperation I began praying hardcore for them to shut up, which was answered with the bright idea of luring them outside with the proposal of buying candy. As stupid as it seemed, I was surprised (but mostly relieved) as they followed me out but having left my wallet in the guesthouse, I only could think “aw crap what do I do now.” But by walking around the street for no apparent reason but to kill time, God used it to solidify our bond. Eventually, on our way back to the church, I found myself carrying one 6th grader on my back with the other two desperately trying to grab hold for their turn. With two weeks left, I ask for your prayer that God would bring these boys to faith and that I would be a useful tool in this process. I also ask for your continual prayer in keeping the church’s outreach ministry at work inside its walls and on the streets. On a random note, Abbey’s Sunday service for last week was recorded and aired for a live radio broadcast. The team did most of the scripture and prayer readings along with Alan leading the sermon. A link to it has been posted below. Also the internet has been shut off at the guesthouse so my reply to any email will be delayed for some time. May God continue blessing this ministry as well as you! Take care!
http://www.rte.ie/radio1/religion/1202777.htmll

The past few weeks of my life have only proven to be more and more busy. It seems I got what I asked for when I first began praying for something to do and be an asset to. Though I’ve been assigned to very little of the music and art oriented task, it seems God has given me enough responsibility in striving to build relationships with whom I come in contact with. In my reflection of the past, I remember feeling very useless and somewhat ignored because of my lacking in skill/gifts (of course I know this was wrong thinking at the time). It was never anything I held against the team but only against myself, by way of always condemning myself for foolishly choosing this area of ministry. At times I would dwell on how I should’ve chosen another location where the ministry is focused on manual labor, such as building onto a church or house as I had done in the past. I remembered these experiences always left me feeling exhausted but satisfied because I had seen my work completed and it’s immediate success thereafter. I’ve been gaining an appreciation and learning for how truly stressful and difficult relational ministry can be and how the satisfaction of enduring through it is not always there. This is another area where I’m being convicted and learning to lean solely on God’s plan and His faithfulness rather than the confidence of my own doing. As I’ve shared this with the team, they’ve been quick to reassure me of my gift in pursuing others, which I had wrongfully perceived as a simple polite remark, but I can see God has used this gift in more than one way so these concerns have subsided.

 Since then God has restored me, and this came simply from reading His word, nothing else. I find this humorous because, in response to my plea, I was expecting some kind of magical moment, an epiphany, even a near death experience all for the sake of being brought back. But it was simply allowing His word to renew me daily that restored the joy and all other good things I once had. Anyways, I must say I am truly thankful for David Fidatti’s blog, as it gives the other valuable insight to which I always feel too tired at this point to type. So I ask you to check his blog routinely as to see what it is were exactly doing here and for what all needs prayer (his blog can be found in a previous post). Personally I ask you to continue praying for the previous request mentioned and for the upcoming arts festival the other teams are putting on. I ask for prayer that God would use it and all of us as vessels for sharing the gospel to those who attend. I appreciate all your encouragement and prayers. May God bless you mightily!

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse I always read and just thought “oh, well that’s nice”. But just recently upon seeing it in an email from my mom, it came as a blinding truth. For once I felt convicted with this verse but a sense of confidence, hope and awe followed there after. I can attest just from what I’ve experienced so far that it can only have been from God’s hand leading me on the right path. Being the first time in my life bluntly witnessing to people, reaching out and talking with strangers (from other countries), doing things way out of my boundaries for a comfortable life, I for once was forced to rely on something else besides myself and with that said, this verse brings a much greater understanding and reliance on the actual truth of His word.

These past two weeks have proven this internship to be far busier than I expected. My first concern of our “slack” orientation week and my nagging thought of possibly never making a slight difference here have gone far from my daily thoughts. Now I only wonder if I’ll have enough time each day for myself to reflect, read and occasionally update this blog. God has answered my prayers of finding a true need here in which we can all apply ourselves to serve daily. This realization came at the orientation retreat two weeks ago. Alan Boal, the minister of Abbey Presbyterian, made it clear to us the need of the church and how we would play a part in it. With a normal service attendance of 40-60 people, a choir of five, an elder committee of a few more and a language/culture barrier that separates many, this church is in great need of revival. Thankfully the congregation is able to continually meet in Abbey’s building due to the rent money coming from the South African and Romanian congregations that meet at separate times during the week.

My heart goes out to Alan, who since first arriving as a new pastor, still hasn’t been able to acquire a vision statement for the church. Alan admits he thought this decade long process would’ve been over with within the first few weeks but the lifelessness of the church hasn't aloud it. We’ve been reassured that our presence alone has made the biggest impact but I know we all long to do so much more. This church does have some strong members, of which we’ve all quickly developed relationships with, but our hope and prayer is that God’s spirit would so overwhelmingly move the rest of these people that not just their numbers but their hearts would grow out of proportion for the sake of His kingdom and so much that when our team leaves, Abbey would be a strong beacon of light able to withstand for this fallen city. Their goal is to have just eight new members join the church this summer, but our team’s goal is 80, and our dream of course 800. This goal and dream can only be met with your fervent prayers so I ask you all to consider focusing prayer for this when I cross your mind.

God’s answer to my prayer is evident as I reflect over the last two weeks. Once we got back from orientation we had our first official outing with the church’s congregation at a picnic in a local park. Of the 30 plus that showed, it was especially rewarding to get acquainted with a few members from China and South Africa. I met a young guy from Cameroon named Felix and surprisingly we were able to hit it off pretty well. So far relationships are growing stronger between church members and the team. Last Sunday we took some of the same people along with the youth to a Christian music festival called M.A.D. Moreover, Open Abbey began which has offered many opportunities to invite people into the church with the possibility of having a meaningful conversation. I met an elderly woman named Dorothy who is sweet as can be but has no belief in God (which was somewhat a relief from the normal bible belt answer). It was interesting to see her first come in with the obvious intention of leaving shortly of which she ended up staying a while and then came back the next day. She claims she doesn’t need a God to believe in because life is just as good without it, but this was an obvious lie because of her strong desire for relationships. A guy from the Czech Republic named Jindrich came through and we ended up hanging out the rest of the day. Sitting with him in a pub I eventually found out he too didn’t believe in God, which I’m realizing is the norm here. Though he has Christian family back home, he had always been bitter towards religion. Open abbey has opened so many doors for the team to speak to the locals about Jesus, and we were surprisingly given another opportunity to do the same by helping a local street evangelist named Mickey Walker. 

Mickey’s not like the normal obnoxious street evangelist we’re all used to, but he indeed presents the gospel each time and by much creativity via a colorful sketch board. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eKaDR2-kM (this video link explains it best). Our team’s role was to spread throughout the crowd of onlookers and wait till the end of the presentation in which we then turned to someone near asking what they thought about it. I remember speaking with a young guy from Slovakia named Slaven who was polite enough to stay and listen to me present the track formed Gospel we received earlier. At the end of it all he claimed he didn’t need God because, of course life was just as good without him. Out of frustration on hearing that response for the third time, I resorted to spilling out my own story on him. This of which was told simply as having an “enjoyable life” until a relationship breakup turned everything upside down leading me into a six month depressive state of turning to alcohol and thoughts of suicide which of course eventually brought me back to Jesus. What I noticed differently at this point was his sudden change of fake politeness to complete sincerity. From this he then shared about his girlfriend of 4 ½ years who had just recently broke up with him and the emotional toll it's having on him now. We talked a little more about the Gospel, which seemed to make more sense to him. I share these stories with detail so that you might feel a need to specifically pray for these people. Though it’s unlikely I’ll see any one of them again in this huge city, my heart still goes out to them and I only hope that sometime down another road they will cross paths with believers who will shed more rays of light until the truth is blinding to them. Mickey is in Cuba and won’t be back for another two weeks but once he is, I feel I'll continue helping him this summer so I ask for prayer on that also. In other request, I am surprised by how tiresome this ministry has become, so I ask that you’d pray God would give me an overflow of energy and delight to continue on this path. Moreover, it has been difficult living life with a team of five girls and only one guy so I ask for your continual prayer on my relationships with the other interns. Again I appreciate all your prayerful support and I know I am blessed by it daily. Take care!

It appears God is using this summer to strip away everything I once turned to for security, comfort and my identity. Living out each day as ambassadors for Christ has proven to be something so difficult, so uncomfortable and frightening that if I were back in the states, I know I would just simply ignore this path and go back to my own ideals of living. The great thing is I'm stuck here in Dublin for two months with no option of retreat and because of this I feel I’ve eventually learned to live each part of my day completely dependent on God. I've hardly viewed myself as being weak and incompetent, but I've also never in the midst of those feelings of inadequacy thought out loud "God this depends all on your doing and not mine and because of that I will not worry but follow where you lead me". This simple prayer is all I've been banking on when following through with the spirit's pull on my heart.

I think back on the few occasions of which I decided to boldly act on the spirits tug back home, I usually always looked onto my own abilities, but now I know I can only look onto His. Prayer is dwelling in my life more and more and I'm certain the book I just started reading, "Gods Smuggler", is becoming a catalyst to that growth. Another intern offered it to me after I admitted (over a long conversation) that I never once really believed that God answers all of our prayers and that prayer is a strong tool we can actually depend on in every situation. Of course the book offers an incredible true story against this notion and I find this new learned truth, in practice, makes life so much sweeter! With every task I feel called to do here, fear and feelings of weakness play in strong every time, but I find immediate prayerful reliance on God takes away those barriers and replaces them with a spirit of passion and trust in His will for that very moment. On another point, my identity has been stripped away. I know now why people in my position have their lives changed so much because God finally has a clean, undistracted foundation to build upon. Well these blogs are starting to get a bit too long so I’m gonna stop here. The pictures are from the retreat center in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland. I learned alot about what our team’s real purpose is for being here of which I ‘ll post about later. Here’s a blog from the Pastor from Scranton PA. Him and his wife are the mentors for our team. Check it out if you’d like. http://abbeychurchdublin.blogspot.com/

First I need to clarify that this blog is taking the place of the email update list, but when time allows, I will personally respond to emails sent to my address. Sorry for the confusion. In other news, I’ll be gone till Saturday for the last of the orientation week which is held at a retreat lodge somewhere north away from the city. We get our “days off” on Monday so by Tuesday our team will finally start what we were sent here to do. As mentioned before, the focus is helping with the church’s summer art ministry and it’s weekly services, and I guess during free time, for the rest who stand bold; sharing the gospel in any other way possible. A few on the team seem a little timid in this area so I feel I may be used to encourage them in taking risks of approaching the locals. Though I myself never feel ready for this task of evangelism, I ask for your prayers for the team and I that we would remain empathetic and passionate when speaking to locals so we can follow through with sharing the best news to offer. On a more in depth note, being the only non-theater kid in the group, I found it hard to relate with the team. Even more I got the “everyone else here is a super Christian and I don’t belong” vibe from them and so felt I was slowly drifting away to become the outcast. But it was only out of that desperation last night that I decided to spill out my fears, guilt and struggles with two other interns, and well, my problem was resolved. As we trekked the mile and half back through the city, there wasn’t one moment of silence as we spoke openly about these struggles, and to my surprise I learned we had each been equally dealing with these conflicts since we arrived. So to my relief, I know now I have no reason to hide anything from these two and hopefully the rest of the team (which will come in due time). Moreover, the other teammate spoke about some serious issues she was going through and so we went back to the stay where we opened in prayer for all this. As I see it, this has been the first step in building real team unity and I praise God for that! On another great note God has given me the answer to my biggest concern; that being the self centered, waste of time orientation week, of which I learned was totally wrong to think and say such a thing. I found myself caught in a trap of conversation with the super bubbly/energetic long-term intern who had already been here 11 months. Though I’ll admit I was avoiding her a good bit this past week, I found our discussion to be quite rewarding. Upon her asking me to share my life story, I simply gave it and then felt at ease to voice my concern and fears as mentioned before. She explained to me this whole week was simply planned to build strong unity between team members so that as a body we can be fully energized and strengthened to go out in the world and then return back in brokenness for healing. Of course a weak bonded group or even a slightly strong unified group cannot provide the support and strength needed to get one back on there feet. This I’m reminded the truth of how amazingly powerful Christians are when they’re brought together in perfect unity and then sent out but when coming from nothing and going out alone they will fall victim to the world. Moreover she told me that our conversation was the answer to her prayer for me in the sense she had finally discovered we have the same heart and are on the same page with what we desire to do. This she has also discovered with two other interns and is continuing on with her sly tactics to break the shells that we all brought with us : )…hence why a week’s time is really needed. Of course now I’m at peace with my this first week and am waiting to see how God uses the new team. Again I thank you for your prayers... and about the photos…I will get them up as soon as I figure out how to do it: ) I’ll do my best to post back as soon as I return. Take care!

So of course… I am finally here, and it was a long flight… and if there's one thing I’ve learned from it, it's that holding off from sleep on an overnight plane ride combined with the jet lag of stepping off into another time zone was not a wise decision. It's hard enough putting on the "right" first impression to a whole new culture of people, but the feeling of being half drunk or better yet, half dead, from the jet lag really didn’t help at all with that first meeting. So yes, the first few days brought a real hardship on trying to be my normal self around the new culture. Besides my physical well being, on a more personal note, I feel I've had equal conflict with my spiritual well being and conflict from my lack of joy of being here. Since I arrived, I feel the doubts in my head and the worries about this whole experience have increased ten fold. The constant joy I once had upon beginning this whole experience (which lasted for some time) had suddenly left me and has now been replaced with fear and apprehension about everything I once longed for and am failing at now. After speaking with a few others about this, I've kinda figured it's all been streaming from this first week of orientation, of which we've been really doing nothing but hanging out and being "oriented" and well, as a task oriented person, just hanging out slack for more than a few days can really start to depress me. The other male intern and I have both agreed that this week has felt a bit too self-centered. It seems the focus so far has been sight seeing and going to different restaurants and pubs, which for me has been causing a lot of guilt. I've been plagued with the constant thought "so I've been given all this money to come here and have a good time?? Are we going to ever do any good here?" Anyways, I know this is a lot but it's really been the biggest weight on my mind so I ask that you would particularly pray for all that. I know the purpose for this first week and the importance of orientation but I feel it's really teaching me patience more than anything else. Moreover, upon completing the scavenger hunt, I’m certain God is also testing my faith that He will bring good out of us this summer. It's funny, I was so strung up that as soon as I left the building we hold meetings at, I saw a Liberian guy sitting outside on the steps taking a smoke break. My first thought was, "finally an opportunity to speak to and care for someone that’s not with the mtw team" and so we began our friendly conversation. Though I didn't share the gospel, our conversation brought much relief and satisfaction just from simply having my first go at loving someone in the community. Well that’s all for now. I will post more often (it seems I’ve had wireless here at the B&B this whole time and didn’t even know it!) Take care you all!

So here I sit in the Atlanta airport terminal waiting to head out to Dublin (well London first and then on to Dublin to be exact.) We're flying out British Airways and our plane is scheduled to leave here at 6:30P.M...so if your reading this in time then please lift that up in prayer. As I've been closing in on this moment of actually leaving from the airport, I've been feeling a bit more and more nervous each day which for me I never expected. Its funny, even here at the airport, with no fully educated/competent adult to lean on, I'm having to reflect and remind myself more and more that God is with me and He will carry me through. This I'm realizing now, being away from the friends and family I so heavily relied upon, will quite possibly be a struggle I'll deal with all summer. Even after just four days of being away from the company of my parents, I realize now how much I really love them and how much I took their daily presence for granted. I guess this can be expected from the sheltered southern boy who never left his home for anything, and though I don't like to think of myself this way, it's true. Moreover, Pre-field training went mostly well though I'll admit I was apprehensive about the other team members upon first meeting them. They and all the other interns from other teams were noticeably different from my friends back home and this of course pulled me way out of my comfort zone as we spent three days playing team building games and interacting with each other through various other activities. Though now I love them all and hate to see the other teams departing early from the airport, I'll just go ahead and say the process of getting to know them i.e. getting over our differences and accepting them for the beauty they truly have, was a very broken and humbling process but it was rewarding. Reflecting of a mother's intuition and the child's denial, I can see now my mom was right when telling me my prideful (and sometimes arrogant) self will be a huge struggle this summer and I will learn much through humility from that. My sin, I'm growing to really hate but the sanctifying will of God I'm learning to love.  Well this is about all I can spill right now. The battery on my laptop's about dead and so is my phone(which is now permanently broken)...so this will be the only way I can contact you guys for now. I'm not certain when I'll have access to internet again once arriving in Dublin, but I'll be sure to post and check email as soon as I can. (btw you can all email me at wlyle@clemson.edu if you want personal contact). Thanks again for all your prayers...and I really mean it this time! as I discover more and more of how weak I am I can only fall back on Christ and His community. God bless you all!